Son's 'jealousy' of dad may be need to connect

The Boston Globe
Barbara F. Meltz
February 20, 2003

Treating 5-7 year old boys' seemingly difficult or inappropriate behavior with respect and understanding helps their emotional growth. Cate Dooley, co-Director of the JBMTI Mother-Son Project provides this anecdote:

"It was when the Dunkin' Donuts 'Time to make the donuts' ad was popular," she says. "He curled into bed with me and, in a singsongy voice, said, 'Time to touch the boobies!' "
Some mothers might have jumped out of bed, or issued a stern reprimand. Dooley laughed. "Where did you ever get that from?" she asked him.
"I knew it was just a creative attempt to connect with me," she says. "What does a 5-year-old boy know about relationships, anyway? He was just imitating what he's seen in the media, which shows male-female intimacy as sexual. So he combined an ad or two he'd seen with a popular jingle and put it all together."
Her response was to keep it light, give him a hug and say simply, "My breasts are a private area for me, but it's OK to touch me on my back or my arm or my face."
She says it's understandable that parents might read too much into behaviors like these, given our cultural preoccupation with not wanting to turn sons into sissies or wimps. The danger for mothers and fathers alike, however, is that by overreacting, we shame our sons."

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